Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Unrecognizable continued...

This is part two of my life update, I guess you'd say.  I was thinking that my life today is Unrecognizable to my life last year and I ended up sort of summarizing what I've been doing for a year.  To read part one, click here.


It was in Michigan that I realized that even though I was creating my own happiness, it wasn't going to be enough.  I had to take that leap of faith and ask for a divorce.  It didn't matter that I had no idea where I was to live, where the money was going to come from or how I was going to pay my bills.  All of those things were secondary to the fact that I could not make the necessary changes in my marriage to make it worth staying.   I remember telling myself that as long as we had Mocha, our kitty, that I would stay with Tom.  I didn't realize what a huge promise that was or how powerful that was going to be.  When Mocha passed away in Dec of 2011, my life fell apart and at the time I had no idea why.  It's all because my heart and my soul knew that I had to make that decision.  Do I stay or do I go?   It took me almost a year from her death to actually act, but it was the right thing.


I had been telling my husband on and off for years that things weren't right, we needed to be more affectionate, we should kiss daily, we needed to work on our relationship as a married couple as we were becoming roommates who cooked dinner every so often, etc.   He thought everything was just fine, but I think he just didn't want change.  Asking him for a divorce opened his eyes, that's for sure!   Since it came as such a shock, I decided to give him a couple of months of working together to get us back to a comfortable center, now that he was very aware I was serious.  

We managed to make it through December and January with very little to show for it.  February was our seven day trip to Barbados and I could see that trip would be best spent saying goodbye and getting the closure we both needed.  (see the post here) It was one of the best soul cleansing weeks I have ever had.  I said goodbye, I cried ten million tears and I had a good time with my husband.  By the end of the week I knew deep into my very core that I had done the right thing for both of us.  I love him but our 18 year relationship has run its course.  Now we just had to get to the paperwork.



I have been in my own apartment since March, we have put our condo on the market and we currently have a signed offer, he sold his business to his partner and ultimately moved out of state.  We packed up most of the condo contents together and asked friends to come help us pack and relocate our belongings, too.   Thank goodness for friends!  I thank them every day for helping us.  Tom and I still aren't divorced, the attorney we hired, who handles uncontested divorces has his feet in mud, I swear.  Hopefully before the end of the summer it will be final.  

I intended from the very beginning that there would be no fighting, no anger, nothing to make this awful.  The decision to end the marriage was emotional enough, I wasn't going to allow anger to make its way into the ending.   The only emotions I could control of course were mine.  Thankfully Tom was onboard for a good outcome.  So far our split has been calm.  It hasn't been stress-free, but I am so proud of us.  

Sunshine has absolutely come back into my life. My deep sadness has gone away.  I marvel at the way a body can both protect and heal itself.  Last year was protection mode, that's for sure.  This year is for healing.  

I'll tie up this story into a nice bow in the next installment.  

Kristin


7 comments:

Lisa said...

I am so very proud of you and the strength you found to do what was best for YOU. I know that's a tough concept for someone so kind hearted and selfless like yourself. I know in your heart its your goal to be everything to everyone, yourself NOT included.

So doing this for you, was surely not an easy task. I just keep hoping this story has the happy ending I think might be lurking.... And I am so very grateful for friends that have picked you up and carried you with them, you know...

Judith Bridger said...

Onward and upward, Kres. "you seem to land on your feet" is what my therapist told me. Perhaps it is a quality we share :o) Carry on my dear. It will be just fine...lm

Cyndy Newsome said...

I am so proud of you too. And so happy that you are doing well.

Nancie said...

Thank you for sharing such an authentic and heartfelt passage in your life. You are brave and bold. You are the trapeze artist who can only let go in order to swing free to grasp the next thing.... You are healing yourself, and heal the rest of us too, in little bits, with your humanity and heart. And Love. Always love.

Terri said...

Life can be so tough, you wrote about your rough patch so eloquently. Wishing you the best in your endeavors; love keeping up with your FB posts and PLEASE get back into photography!! : )

Debby@Just Breathe said...

I am truly happy for. I understand where you are coming from. This brought tears to my eyes. I admire your ability to move forward. I tend to stay in the unhappiness. Wishing you all the best always. ((HUGS))

Mrs4444 said...

It's nice to know that divorce doesn't have to be ugly. I'm as happy for you as one could be under the circumstances, if that makes sense. You deserve for this to go peacefully. Goodluck with the rest of it.

Thanks for sharing the link on Facebook and sharing the links to the parts I missed in our post.